Late Bloomer Diaries... The Beginning

When you think about your life, and all the lovely and ugly twists and turns it has taken to bring you to your current point, how do you feel? Do you see the past events in your life as blessings that taught you how to live? Or as storms that waylayed your progress? I have to admit that for most of my life, I was one that did the latter.

I'm not saying that good things never happened. I remember smiling, having fun, playing, hanging with friends. I also remember good things coming my way- good friends, good events, good luck in some cases. But there was always something overshadowing everything- I had no self-esteem. I always felt fat, and I felt that everyone else thought the same. I even prodded a friend of mine in high school to tell me what nickname male classmates had given me when he didn't want to- it was Thunder Thighs. I was never so mad at myself for being persistent!

It's amazing how something physical can affect you so profoundly in a mental way. It's also such a cliche, isn't it? "I am fat, so of course nothing good is going to happen to me." But I always had a smile on my face so no one realized I thought like that. The depth of my depression was never known by people, even me, until much later in life. I was the master of disguises, as many people in this world are. Eventually, though, it was inevitable that I had to admit it to myself- I had a bad outlook on my life and was using it as an excuse to not live it.

But I'm here to say that some of us actually climb out of this trench we build for ourselves. Some of us find ways and blessings that help to build spirit, then hope, then confidence, then strength. After years of pushing my feelings into the closet to be ignored, blessings started to come into my life in the form of opportunities. I was finally able to do something for myself that resulted in a new life. Above ground.

These are chapters of my life changing experiences, and the blooming of my life that resulted.